I lost my voice at age 8.
It started with me being ‘sent to Coventry.’ That’s a British term that means ‘to deliberately ostracize someone.’ I was given the silent treatment, excluded from conversations, and treated as though I didn’t exist.
This passive-aggressive treatment usually occurred when I did or said anything the other person didn’t like. It didn’t take much either. Being sassy, defending myself, disagreeing, or just having an opinion were all pitfalls. It could be days, weeks, or months (I don’t really know how long, but it felt like forever) before I was allowed back into the fold, and even then, I had to be careful. I had to watch everything I said or did to make sure I didn’t fall out of grace again and find myself playing Connect 4 or Snakes and Ladders – on my own. I never knew when the treatment would end. When it did, I was submissively grateful to them for letting me back in from isolation.
For most of my childhood from age 8 until I left home at 17, I lived like this, tiptoeing around others, trying not to upset anyone. I learned to change who I was to make sure that everyone else around me was okay, even if I was not. I was conditioned to believe that that was my role in relationships and it continued to permeate into my adult life.
Fast forward to dating and marriage. Living with silent passive passive-aggressive treatment was just the way it was. Tiptoeing around, making myself small, changing on a whim, people-pleasing, and being submissive were all survival and coping mechanisms. I thought every woman did this – I thought it was normal.
It would take me years until I found my voice again.
[DISCLAIMER – I am sharing not because of any ill-intent towards anyone or to cause harm. I want people to understand how and why someone might find themselves in difficult relationships and the work it takes to grow and recover]
Spiritual Sandwich 